Adopted Mind

not a good time to

2011-03-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

my pc crashed..

of all time, why now?..

life has a funny way to show you on how to appreciate things

we often take simple things in life for granted

not knowing that one day we might lose it

we keep the electricity running

we keep the tap water running

we forget to return our families' and friends' phone calls

we forget to call our parents every single day just to tell them we love them

we waste our food

we waste our time

we waste our money

next time

remember.

Bright Eyes - Shell Game

2011-03-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

I was dressed in white, touched by something pure
Death obsessed, like a teenager
Sold my tortured youth, pissed in vinegar
I'm still angry with no reason to be

(Non) Existent

2011-03-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

somehow i feel like chasing shadows,

every single step, single breath,

i am always right behind you.

i am gutted, shattered, destroyed and eviscerated,

as you once came, to light up the moon.

darkness covers my shadow,

passes through my hollow body,

and makes me wonder,

where the light has gone.

until time uncovers,

until your soul recovers,

i am still left chasing,

waiting to be known,

waiting to exist.

so what do you choose?

2011-03-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

lately i have been having numerous of talk on future goals, targets, achievements and all stuffs related to that. you get the idea.

but when it comes to those things (goals and etc), i somehow got lost in the middle. my goals are rather too unrealistic to achieve or rather too underachieving.

i have been wanting things that most probably, everyone in the world would want it as well. but the pessimistic nature of myself somehow tells me, "you're being ridiculous. who the hell do you think you are?". so that brings me down back to Mother Earth, thus forcing myself to comply with, whatever that i could only get.

but the thing is, people kept telling that, "do whatever you want to do in life,if you really want it, you'll achieve it".

this is totally both a good advice and a sick mockery.

but somehow in the end, there is no wrong for being a little bit optimistic.

there's nothing to lose if you really try.

life don't always turn the way you want it to be but not trying is like giving up with life.

so what do you choose?

Camera Obscura - Teenager

2011-03-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

i listened to this recently

is it down to me

down to me

we both rarely speak

For Almost 2 Years

2011-03-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

for almost 2 years, i haven't wrote anything..

for almost 2 years, i haven't let out a single thought..

for almost 2 years, i have been bottling things..

for almost 2 years, i have kept myself, to myself..

with all this nonsense thoughts and stupid lame jokes bursting out of my mind every single second, i now feel the urge to throw it up and spit it off..

i have been quiet for too long while my life is getting too short..

now, just let me get everything out.

p/s: i have just realized that writing is quite helpful. mental therapy.

fixed

2009-05-18T03:34:00.002-07:00

the walls that you've built
that kept you from crying
doesn't let me inside

that walls that you've built
that kept you from hurting
doesn't let me pass through

the walls that you've built
that kept you from hearing the words
doesn't open me a gap

the walls that you've built
that kept you from breaking
doesn't break and fall

i could never pass through
i could never get to you

behind it i stay
not moving
waiting for you
to come out one day

polaroid

2009-05-17T03:38:00.000-07:00

I’m calculating what’s left inside me
When everything I left were my life and my dreams
And every time you were proud of what you were not
This is the truth and it’ll be a history

I gave you everything, I gave up my life and they were all for you,
you’ve ruined everything!
I gave you everything and I gave up my life
And they were all for you!

I wonder what went wrong, it became like this
when I’m not pretty sure
After all the crossings we’ve been through,
it’s not suppose to be like this. Why?

And every time you’re fucking proud of what you’re not
I hate the truth but still it’ll be a history
I swear you will know this somehow
Before it’s too late and dies
Realities are so complicated

I wish to see the truth shines brightly in your eyes
It’s even for me, and even for you
Just try to understand…
You and me, yeah I remember,
Look how we were meant to be!

you, yes you

2009-05-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

i've been asked to leave
i've been begged to go
i've been informed to forget
i've been told that i'm not needed

i wonder what else i must do

don't you ever dare to say that i did not try
don't you ever dare to tell people that i did not offer a hug

for what i know

it's not me that you're falling into
it's just the way i treat you

zZzzZZz

2009-05-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

saya ada aura ketiduran...
everytime i'm around..
she feels like sleeping more than doing anything else...

saya tahu kenapa

saya sorg yg membosankan

similarity

2009-05-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

i said we don't have similarity
she said yes, we do

i said if we do, tell me what is it
she said ............

i said what took u so long
she said we have none

avoid

2009-05-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

i'm bitter
i'm sour
i lack compassion
i lack rationality

she said i was wrong
they said i was mean
i said tell the whole world
what am i and what i'll be

my eyes radiate the gloom
my heart rests in a tomb
if only they could see
what's more in me

Bapak Saya Kaya

2009-02-19T12:13:00.000-08:00

i had this on the 18th of February 2009

12:02 AM Azik: dzul

jom pisgor

dzul

weih

dzul

hello

me: rabu kot

Azik: hello moto

me: mana gorpis

Azik: eh tutup ke?

me: pasar malam kan

Azik: alaaaaaaa

12:03 AM pergi jela jum

kalau tuup kita pg pasar malam

me: jom jom

12:04 AM azik

kau ada buku bisstat x?

Azik: tak ade rasenye

nanti aku check kejap

12:05 AM me: kau boleh tolong tny member2 kau

Azik: ape tajuk buku tu eh

me: jap

12:06 AM Azik: ada 1 ni

aku tak sure bis stat ke econs

me: statistical techniques in business and economics with global data sets

panjang nak mampus

12:07 AM Azik: hah ye la tu

aku ada

me: nice oen two three

*one

nak pinjam boleh?

Azik: amik la

sebulan rm500

12:08 AM ahahahha

me: boleh2

mintak dekat petronas

nama bapak aku petronas

ahahahha

Azik: ahahahah

ye ah

muhammad dzulhazmi bin petronas

me: yer betul

ahahaha

Azik: ahahah

Azik: muhammad dzulhazmi bin petronas

me: xyah buat status arr

12:09 AM ahahaha

Azik: lawak dowh

what am i?

2009-02-18T06:19:00.001-08:00

im a machine...
treat me like shit because i don't have feelings..
i was created to be blamed and complained..
i don't have neither heart nor mind..
just because i don't fucking show it doesn't mean that i'm having a good time..
closed minded..

different

2008-11-24T12:50:00.000-08:00

she wants us to be like our neighbor,
i want us to be what we have been for the past decades.

she wants us to demolish comfortability for us to strive for success,
i want us to live in comfortability while striving for success.

she wants us to be equal for every blood, colour and faith,
i want us to be harmony for every blood, colour and faith.

she blames the individual,
i blame the root.

we are different.
never had any similarity.

missing

2008-11-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

wow...
my last post was on october 16..
that is more than a month..

sorry i've been missing..
got lots of stuff to deal...
you know..

EXAM and..
EXAM and again..
EXAM...

i thought those exams could have killed me..
but im still pretty much alive..

and now im down to one paper..

Indelible

2008-10-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

our history is not something that can be erased easily.
its not a writing on a paper.
its not something you type on your computer.
its not a text message that you keep on your phone.
it will always be there in you, always will.

history teaches you on what to do and how to do it.
history molds you into someone and melts you into others.
our feeling itself is based on past history.
good time reminiscent and bad time memory flashes into our head when feeling plays its part.

and feeling overcomes mind and body control.
it dictates every single cell and every single vein.
it even blurs your vision, deafens your hearing, and turns you senseless.
it burns every drop of relevance.
and it grasps you with anger and doubt.

history teaches lesson in your life.
some good and some bad.
no matter how hard you try to erase it.
no matter how far you try to run away from it.
no matter how agonizingly you try to forget it.
it is still in you.

looking for a rainbow?

2008-10-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

rainbows are beautiful aren't they?
i always question myself
what do they have at the end of the rainbow?

some people said
"you will find leprechaun's gold at the end of the rainbow"

and some said
"there's nothing, it's just some light deflection"

but still
i always wonder
"what do they really have at the end of it"

i wish i could be there just once in my lifetime

it's all the same

2008-10-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

ramadhan has passed by. we have successfully performed the compulsory fasting activity which god has given us to light our limbless and hopeless life.
syawal is on the air. we are now celebrating hari raya with such joy and excitement and forgiveness and a whole bunch of fattening stuff to burst our guts out.

here are the budget i have made during ramadhan to save my broke ass from breaking even more.

Before Ramadhan

Food

One Day = RM 10
30 Days = RM 300

Cigarette

One Day = RM 5.90
30 Days = RM 177

Total = RM 477

During Ramadhan

Food

One Day = RM 5 (we only get to eat during night)
30 Days = RM 150

Cigarette

Two Days = RM 5.90 (we only get to smoke during night. one box can last for two days at least)
30 Days = RM 88.50

Total = RM 238.50

that's great. im gonna save a whole lot money during ramadhan.

but that was what i thought.

The Actual Expenses During Ramadhan

Food

One Day = RM 10
30 Days = RM 300

Cigarette

One Day = RM 5.90
30 Days = RM 177

Total = RM 477

it's all the same.

Conceal to Reveal

2008-10-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

we believe in truth,
we reside in clarity,
we rise to the height of clearness,
we jump in the pool of faith.

we conceal the flaw,
we cover the scar,
we patch the open wound,
we hide the glorious view of uncertainty.

in the very second of life,
we reveal hidden colors,
we expose confidentiality,
answering questions.

concealer is the revealer,
merciless and doubtless truth,
picturesque scenery that is certain,
giving sight to the blind.

wonderful power of memory

2008-10-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

goldfish only has 3 seconds of memory,
how wonderful

5.30.15 pm goldfish: wow, i have a new owner!!!
5.30.18 pm goldfish: ermm, where the hell am i?
5.30.21 pm goldfish: this place is beautiful, have i been here before?

human has memory of many years
god-made awesomeness

1991 i was somewhere in london celebrating hari raya with a blue eye.
1993 i was crying my life out. i was put in a kindergarten. stayed there for a week.
1996 i got my first glasses. it made me look awful.

we're in it

2008-09-25T18:50:00.001-07:00

theo eyes

vocals - itik
guitar - amir
guitar - jin
bass - zool
drum - muz

see u guys there!

how amazing

2008-09-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

and now i own a blog,
how amazing is that,
my words are meaningless,
my thoughts are emotionless,
contents are maybe not understandable,
hopefully this is the place where i can express those words and thoughts without being damned.

Because

2008-09-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

we write because we are afraid to tell things directly in person,
we write because some things are better understood with letters,
we write because we want to express our feelings,
we write because we want to change the world,
we write because we want to sing an unmelodious song,
we write because we want to draw an intangible picture,
we write because we want to change perception,
we write because we want to tell an endless story,
we write because we want to deny accusations,
we write because we want to clarify the uncertain
we write because the power of writing is far greater than any strongmen in the universe,
we write because we are meant to write.